McDonald’s Land, Air and Sea Burger should come with a warning

Satirist John Oliver once described the food hack of making a grilled cheese sandwich in an upturned pop-up toaster as “a billion dollar idea that’s also worthless”.

McDonald’s offers menu suggestions to turn its sandwiches into senseless atrocities against your duodenum, and it’s the complete opposite of that idea, which is impressive since Oliver’s view is itself a contradiction. The creations may be worth something to McDonald’s but have no physical or monetary value to anyone, especially the people who eat them.

One of the hacks in the chain is the Land, Air and Sea Burger where the patties of a McChicken and a Filet-O-Fish sandwich are placed between the double-stacked Big Mac. The other is a Crunchy McDouble made with a double cheeseburger from the Dollar menu with an order of Chicken McNuggets and a packet of BBQ sauce smothered under the top bun. They’re both as repulsive as they look, even if the Crunchy McDouble kind of makes more sense.

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Don’t be fooled by the pretty colors. Just look elsewhere.

Lauren Drewes Daniels

Both of these items have been on the McDonald’s menu as “secret items” and if you eat one or (worse) both of them, you’ll wish they stayed that way. But recently they promoted these two-toned fuchsia hacks on their menu and it’s hard to resist.

They’re essentially co-opted into the resourceful, mindless world of the internet, where food hacks and challenges are a quaint appetizer for the darker corners of the web. It’s also only fitting that McDonald’s hijacks both of these ideas since its owner Ray Kroc hijacked the entire concept of the McDonald brothers’ fast food restaurant in 1961.

In reality, both are just ways to get people to buy more groceries in a single visit. These items are not self-constructed. You have to buy each item separately and make it yourself at home or in your car.

The Land, Air and Sea Burger is easily the more disgusting of the two just by name. There’s a reason “surf ‘n’ turf” stops at “turf.” A third protein added to a single meal beyond these two is simply ostentatious.

It also doesn’t help that Filet-O’-Fish, McDonald’s fish sandwich invented in 1965 to appeal to people observing the holy season of Lent, is the most bland slice of fish on the planet. Even a bad fishy taste would be a step up for the Filet-O-Fish because it would at least have some sort of taste.

The combination of the McChicken, Filet-O-Fish and Big Mac is basically a sketch idea for a Donkey film that director Jeff Tremaine threw in the shredder. The taste is bewildering at best, creating an almost tangy creation thanks to its special sauce, which is in no way inferior to a handful of Sour Patch Kids.

If you’re dumb enough to try to eat it all (like me), the structural integrity is ruined with every bite, turning into something barely resembling a sandwich and more like a disgusting ball of meat, cheese, bread, lettuce and some kind of edible glue.

“The only ingenious thing about it is that it allows binge eaters with busy schedules to eat a burger and a packet of McNuggets with one hand.” -Danny Gallagher

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By comparison, the Crunchy McDouble looks like a rice cake. The taste makes more sense than the Land, Air and Sea Burger. Barbecue sauce on chicken and beef go best together, but you’re still dealing with two of the most bland proteins known to man, which require some sort of sauce or condiment just to make them edible. The only ingenious thing about it is that it allows binge eaters with busy schedules to push a burger and a pack of McNuggets with one hand.

The worst comes long after you’ve consumed either or both. McDonald’s foods may be unhealthy, but they’re at least designed to mimic an addictive taste that our bodies can tolerate. These two deals are just a creative way to eat everything from McDonald’s menu if you’re in a hurry.

The only entertaining thing about the whole Land, Air and Sea Burger and Crunchy McDouble buying and drinking experience is seeing an employee’s face when you order it with a Diet Coke.

About James Almanza

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